Friday, September 21, 2012

Mangled Macbeth, Act 3

Mangled Macbeth
Written by William Shakespeare.  Abridged, translated, and slightly mangled by Melinda Brasher.

Act 3 Scene 1

BANQUO:  [to self]:  Macbeth, you cheated your way onto the throne.  I know it.  But the witches were right.  Now perhaps their grand prophecy for my posterity will come true too.
            Enter Macbeth
MACBETH:  Good Banquo, you're riding out this afternoon?
BANQUO:  Aye, my lord, but I'll be back for the feast tonight.
MACBETH:  Travel well.
            Exit all but Macbeth and servant
MACBETH:  Have those men arrived?
SERVANT:  Yes.  They await outside the palace gate.
MACBETH:  Bring them in.  [To self] I fear that Banquo.  None but he threatens the security of my throne, for he alone heard the witches' promise.  Have I murdered the gracious king only to leave my crown to Banquo's sons?  No!
            Enter servant and murderers
MACBETH:  Remember how you thought I had done you wrong?  Well, it was Banquo.  Can you really let that go?  Can you forgive a man who has brought you so low?
MURDERERS:  No.  We're so angry with the world that we've become reckless.
MACBETH:  Banquo is your enemy, as he is mine, but for complicated political reasons I can't kill him myself.  You understand, old boys?  I ask your help, and that you not reveal my involvement.
MURDERERS:  No problem.
MACBETH:  Your spirits shine!  Do it tonight.  While you're at it, kill his son too.
MURDERERS:  Okey-dokey, my lord.   

Act 3 Scene 2

MACBETH:  Perhaps 'twould be better to be with the dead, whom we sent to their graves, than to be tortured by this uncertain joy and insecure power.
LADY MACBETH:  Get it together and at least pretend to be happy in front of your guests.

Act 3 Scene 3

Murders:  Hark!  I hear horses.  'Tis Banquo and his son.
            They attack
Banquo:  Treachery!  Run, my son, that you may later take revenge.

Act 3 Scene 4 
Enter Murderers

MACBETH:  There's blood on your face.
MURDERER:  'Tis Banquo's
MACBETH:  Better his blood on your face than in his veins.  Is he dead?
MURDERER:  Yes, but his son escaped.
MACBETH:  Now I will be forever trapped within my fears.
            Macbeth returns to feast, but Banquo's ghost has entered and sat in his place. . 
MACBETH:  The table's full.
LENNOX:  Here's a place reserved for you.
MACBETH:  Where?
LENNOX:  Right here.  What's wrong, my lord?
MACBETH:  Which one of you has done this?
LORDS:  What?
ROSS:  Rise, gentlemen.  The king is not well.
LADY MACBETH:  Sit.  He's often like this.  Has been since his youth.  It's a momentary fit.  If you pay him attention it will offend him and make the fit worse.  Eat and ignore him.  [To Macbeth].  Are you a man?
MACBETH [aside]:  Of course I am!  I dare look at things which might frighten the devil.  It used to be that once you killed a man, he stayed dead.  Now they rise again and push us out of our chairs.  [To lords] Sorry.  I have a strange infirmity.  Don't mind me.  Let's drink to my dear friend Banquo, who we miss tonight.  Would that he were here.

Act 3 Scene 5

HECATE:  Witches, you shouldn't have toyed with Macbeth's future, but let's sing and dance anyway.  Hee hee.

Act 3 Scene 6

LENNOX:  Boy it's getting dangerous around here—people dropping like flies.  Where's Macduff?
LORDS:  I heard he's gone to England to work with Duncan's son Malcolm.  May they return and free our land from the grip of the tyrant!  

Click here to read Mangled Macbeth Act IV

To read from the beginning, click on Mangled Macbeth Act I
Also Check out "Shakespeare:  "Therein Lies the Confusion"


  1. Yay for Mangled MacBeth!

    "Act 1 Scene 1 Thunder and Lightning

    WITCHES: Hee hee, we're being witches."

    "DONALBAIN: Dude, speak English."

    "MURDERERS: Okey-dokey, my lord."

    You managed to capture the essence of the play in a very economical number of words.

  2. Why thank you! I tried. Obviously, it's not Shakespeare... :)