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Monday, September 10, 2012

Mangled Macbeth, Act 1

Mangled Macbeth
Written by William Shakespeare.  Abridged, translated, and slightly mangled by Melinda Brasher.
Act 1 Scene 1  Thunder and Lightning

WITCHES:  Hee hee, we're being witches.

Act 1 Scene 2 

DUNCAN, THE KING:  What report do you have of the war?
CAPTAIN:  Macbeth led our forces with great valor and slew the enemy himself.  Then a new assault began and brave Macbeth beat them back stroke for stroke.  But please, sir, can I go rest now?  My wounds haven't yet been treated.
            Enter Ross
DUNCAN:  Welcome, worthy Ross.  Where have you come from?
ROSS:  From Fife, where the traitorous Thane of Cawdor helped the King of Norway lead an army against us.  We, however, were victorious.
DUNCAN:  I shall condemn Cawdor to death and give his title to Macbeth.

Act 1 Scene 3  Thunder

WITCHES:  Hee hee, we're being witches.
            Enter Macbeth and Banquo
BANQUO:  Who are those withered, wild creatures who hardly look like women?
MACBETH:  Speak.  What are you?
1st WITCH:  All hail, Macbeth, Thane of Glamis!   
2nd WITCH:  All hail, Macbeth, Thane of Cawdor!
3rd WITCH:  All hail, Macbeth, who will be king!
MACBETH:  What are you talking about?  I know I'm Lord of Glamis, but the Thane of Cawdor is alive.  And to be king, well, that's unlikely.
BANQUO:  Hey, if you're telling fortunes, why don't you tell mine too?
WITCHES:  Your sons shall be king, but not you.
MACBETH:  Where do you get your prophetic words?
            Witches disappear
BANQUO:  Where did they go?  Are we drunk?
            Enter Ross
ROSS:  Macbeth, the king has heard of your successes in battle, and has happily made you Thane of Cawdor.
MACBETH [aside]:  This is a happy beginning.  The greatest is yet to come.  I do, however, tremble to think I might have to murder the king to make it true.

Act 1 Scene 4
DUNCAN:  Is the Thane of Cawdor dead?
MALCOLM:  Yes.  He confessed and repented.  Nothing in his life became him like the leaving it.
            Enter Macbeth, Banquo, etc.
DUNCAN:  Worthiest Macbeth!  My ingratitude weighs heavily on me.  I wish you deserved less reward so that my thanks and payment might mean more.
MACBETH:  My loyalty pays itself.  I would be pleased to have you as a guest in my house, Lord King.  I'll go let my wife know, so we can prepare.
            Exit Macbeth
DUNCAN:  Banquo, isn't that Macbeth a valiant man?  A kinsman beyond reproach?  His worthiness feeds my heart.

Act 1 Scene 5
LADY MACBETH [reading a letter]:  …and the witches say I'll one day be king.  Rejoice with me.  [Aside]:  Macbeth, I'm afraid you haven't the ambition to see this through.
            Enter messenger
MESSENGER:  The king and Macbeth are coming tonight.
            Exit messenger
LADY MACBETH:  The king himself will be here, under my roof?  Give me the strength of a man.  Take away my womanly weakness and give me the courage and ruthlessness to do as I must.
            Enter Macbeth
LADY MACBETH:  Great Glamis!  Worthy Candor!  Your letter has transported me into a glorious future.
MACBETH:  My love, the king's coming tonight.
LADY MACBETH:  And when does he leave?
MACBETH:  Tomorrow.
LADY MACBETH:  Wrong!  Never shall he see the sun rise.  You look shocked.  You must instead look innocent, but be a serpent underneath.  Tonight you shall do the deed that will elevate us to the throne.
Act 1 Scene 6

DUNCAN:  This is a pleasant castle.  I'm sorry to be such a terrible bother, Lady Macbeth.
LADY MACBETH:  My pleasure.
DUNCAN:  Take me to my host, Macbeth.  I do so love him.

Act 1 Scene 7

MACBETH:  If it's to be done, best be done quickly.  But if we preach violence, violence is returned to us.  He's my kinsman and my king, so I really shouldn't kill him.  Plus, he's my guest.  And a good king.  Hmm…
            Enter Lady Macbeth
MACBETH:  Let's proceed no further in this business. The king has given me honors.  I'm content. 
LADY MACBETH:  Coward!  You're no man!  I, as a mother, know how tender it is to love a nursing child, but I would dash out my baby's brains if I had promised you I would, just as you promised me you'd be king.
MACBETH:  But what if we fail?
LADY MACBETH:  Take courage!  I'll get his grooms drunk.  Then we can kill Duncan and blame them.  We'll pretend great grief.  No one will suspect us.
MACBETH:  Fine.  I'll do this thing.  A false face hides what a false heart does.  

Click here for Mangled Macbeth;  Act II

Also Check out "Shakespeare:  "Therein Lies the Confusion"

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